Harvest

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly never will marry or have kids.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The next day after breakfast in the House of Jasmin dining hall the Priest of Bougainville asked JDtheSingleGuy if he would like to spend the day with him inspecting the vineyards.  He thought JD would like to see the vineyards right before harvest.  JD enthusiastically accepted.  The Priest enjoyed spending time with JD.  He knew that JD had suffered terribly at the hands of various religious sects all of them trying to force him to marry and have children.  He said to himself, ‘This is why Oasis exists.  To save freedom loving individuals from religious practitioners of all stripes.’  As they strolled through the vineyards JD commented on how impressive the grapes looked.  The Priest said, “This year will be the best year ever depending on how much damage the Rat Pack does to the crop.”  JD asked, “Who’s the Rat Pack?”  The Priest replied, “The Rat Pack is a group of scavengers who come with their empty backpacks to steal as many grapes as possible under the cover of darkness.”  JD asked, “They only do this once a year?”  The Priest replied, “The harvest occurs once a year, so they hit the harvest one time.”  He continued, “You never know when they are coming so I assign the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville on 24/7 vineyard watching shifts.”  JD asked, “What does the Rat Pack do the rest of the year?”  The Priest replied, “Their backpacks are full of amulets and lucky charms that they toss on the floor while chanting, ranting, and casting spells.”  JDtheSingleGuy appeared dismayed. 

The Priest asked, “Have you ever experienced a harvest?”  JDtheSingleGuy replied, “I’ve spent more than half my adult life plowing and treading.”  JD began to wax and wane philosophically.  He talked about his many experiences plowing the hard ground of various religious communities.  He often came to those communities with only a sledgehammer, pickaxe, and a plow.  After the harvest he treaded upon the fruit.  This work often took years to complete.  He explained how the plowman is often mistaken for the reaper.  In the same way the one who treads grapes is often mistaken for the one who sews seed.  When a religious community begins to realize the fruit, they go after the plowman to try and make him into a reaper.  When this happens, you know the plowman has finished his work in that community.  Plowmen are solitary independent figures who primarily work alone.  They are wilderness men fed by unclean birds.  They believe you only have a reputation if others can make you think you have a reputation.  They don’t worry what others think about them.  If they’re concerned about how others viewed them, then they aren’t plowmen and treaders. 

The Priest interrupted, “JD, my son, are you willing to tread the grapes from our harvest?”  JD replied, “Of course!”  He continued, “My dear Priest, I think about the first day we met and how my life has changed since that day.  I can’t imagine my life without the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville.”  The Priest said, “Only in Oasis do you find this kind of freedom.”  The Priest thought to himself, ‘If only others saw things the way JD does.”  He then asked, “What would you do if you had the opportunity to speak to Fools about the life in Oasis and more specifically at the House of Jasmin?”  JDtheSingleGuy replied, “I realize that marriage is discouraged in Oasis, but if a Fool decided to get married, I would tell him several things.”  The Priest asked, “What would you tell him?”  He replied, “The first thing I would tell him is to begin and end his search right here at the House of Jasmin.  The 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville bring to the table exactly what every Fool wants.” 

JDtheSingleGuy began to wax and wane philosophically.  A Fool who marries before the age of 50 is throwing away a great opportunity to find himself and then develop a sense of self through various life experiences.  The longer he waits the more he learns personal responsibility for himself before having to assume responsibility for others.  If he waits to find a spouse and a house, he will find the choices available to him greatly expanded.  The Priest interrupted, “MotherLand frowns upon older Fools fooling around with young mother wannabees.”  JD replied, “That’s because an older Fool is already set in his ways and pattern of life.”  He continued, “Young Fools are more easily conformed to the ways and means of the motherhood.”  The Priest said, “Once the nest is full the Fool is on the hook.”  JDtheSingleGuy nodded in agreement.  The Priest looked at his watch and couldn’t believe how the time had passed.  He asked, “JD, my son, are you feeling thirsty?”  JD replied, “You bet!”

Later that same day the Priest of Bougainville along with the other regulars arrived at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.  He sat at his usual table.  Carlos the Bartender knowing exactly what to pour brought a Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  The Priest saw the Fool-out-of-the-Green sitting at the bar sandwiched in between Ms. CaliCoCo and Ms. LaiaClarck.  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair had already left for MotherLand.  The Priest muttered to himself, ‘God Speed Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair.’  Ms. HoneyDripper and ShaggyFool sat at her table with the Tasmanian cat Bubu.  At the end of the bar, he noticed JDtheSingleGuy and Ms. LizzyKean were back in the saddle together.  LunaStars approached his table and asked, “May I join you?”  The Priest replied, “By all means please do!”  The Priest called on Carlos the Bartender to bring another Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  LunaStars said “There he goes again.”  The Priest asked, “There who goes again?”  She replied, “There goes JDtheSingleGuy jumping from ship to ship.”  The Priest laughed, “I’m so proud of him.”  He continued, “No one understands the true meaning of Oasis like he does.”  LunaStars asked, “How come he can’t choose one of the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville and stick with her?”  The Priest replied, “Oasis is governed by individual freedom.”  He continued, “This includes freedom to choose and, even if you decide not to choose, you have still exercised your freedom of choice.” 

Just then JDtheSingleGuy and Ms. LizzyKean approached the table.  JD asked, “May Ms. Lizzy and I join you?”  The Priest of Bougainville replied, “By all means please do!”  LunaStars frowned.  The Priest called on Carlos the Bartender to bring two more Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table.  He then began to talk about his day spent with JDtheSingleGuy in the vineyards inspecting the grapes.  He said, “The harvest has started.”  He continued, “This is going to be a banner year as long as the Rat Pack doesn’t get too much of the crop.”  LunaStars asked, “Who’s the Rat Pack?”  The Priest replied, “The Rat Pack comes out at night with their empty backpacks to scavenge as many grapes as possible.”  Ms Lizzy exhaled in disgust, “Ugh!”  The Priest said, “I have the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville assigned to oversee the vineyards 24/7 during the harvest.”  He felt confident in them to keep a watchful eye on any disturbances that might occur.  Harvest is the most important time of the year.  The Rat Pack and other predators knew this as well as anyone.  Unknown to everyone else, the Priest set special traps that will detach a backpack from the back of a Rat Pack scavenger.  The Priest smiled.  

Rat Pack Squad
Packing backpacks
No snacks in these packs
Reminds me of the Mod Squad

Waiting behind every corner
Wearing black and their favorite backpack
Standing outside the bookstore
Backpack staring me in the face

Pushing a basket behind a bush
Backpack in the basket
Basket starts shaking like a lush
Rat Pack gives basket a push

I can hear the Rat Pack in a dark room
Having a seance right above me
Reaching into their bag of divination tricks
Tossing their amulets and lucky charms on the floor

Waving their censors
Anticipating someone or something
Rising in their imaginations
Conniving, scheming, and cunning

One AM they huff
Four AM they puff
They huff and they puff
But they just can’t blow down the House of Jasmin

Rat Pack reaches into their backpacks
Throwing everything out
Harvest is coming
It’s right on track

Vineyards are full of grapes
Rat pack ready to rape
Backpacks empty and on their backs
Scurrying around in the pitch black

They move by smell not sight
Tangle free through the vines
Things get a bit tight
One Rat Pack backpack is left behind

The Rat Pack continues on
Grapes crushing in their backpacks
It’s almost dawn
Another successful raid by the Rat Pack

On to MotherLand

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The next day after breakfast in the House of Jasmin dining hall the Priest of Bougainville began his usual day inspecting the vineyards.  He had never seen such a crop of grapes as rich in quality and quantity.  What a year this has been.  Not only were the vineyards flourishing but all the activity at the House of Jasmin made this a year to never forget.  In addition to the usual number of Fools crossing the desert seeking asylum, they also received two high profile asylum seekers from Snipper’s catch and return posse.  If the religious regulators had not apprehended Snipper, she would be here too.  He wondered what happened to Snipper.  He asked himself, ‘Did she go through interrogation?’  At the very least she had to go through some kind of reeducation and then indoctrination into the ways and means of the MotherLand through the Laws of MotherNature.  The Priest sighed.  His attention turned back to the grapes and their impressive features.  He found himself standing in the middle of the vineyard marveling at the fullness of the vines.  They looked to him as if they were ready to give birth.  He started to prepare for the harvest by assigning the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville to vineyard watching shifts.  Just before harvest, the ‘Rat Pack’ came out with their empty backpacks to scavenge as many grapes as possible.  The 70 X 7 beautiful daughters watched over the vineyards 24/7 the week before the harvest.  As the day winded down he began to feel thirsty. He thought about the Whiskey at 6 at the Top of the Sixes.

The Priest of Bougainville along with the other regulars arrived at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.  He sat at his usual table.  Carlos the Bartender knowing exactly what to pour brought a Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  This time LunaStars approached his table and asked, “May I join you dear Priest?”  He replied, “By all means please do!”  The Priest saw ShaggyFool and Ms. HoneyDripper sitting at the bar.  Next to them sat the Fool-out-of-the-Green sandwiched by Ms. LizzyKean and Ms. CaliCoCo.  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair sat at Ms. HoneyDripper’s former table.  At the end of the bar, he noticed another one of the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville who just started to come to the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.  A Venezuelan beauty named Ms. LaiaClarck.  Like every other time a new daughter came for a Whiskey at 6 there JDtheSingleGuy hovered over her.  The Priest smiled.  He thought to himself, ‘If I had a son, I would want him to be just like JDtheSingleGuy.’  Surprisingly, Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair approached him and LunaStars and asked, “May I join you?”  The Priest replied, “By all means please do!”  LunaStars batted her eyelashes in approval.  His appearance both stimulated and soothed her eyes to the point that she had to bat them.  His tall frame and slender build with the George Hamilton movie star look made any woman feel the need to excuse herself to the lady’s room.  In fact, that is exactly what LunaStars did. 

The Priest called on Carlos the Bartender to bring four more Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table.  If LunaStars didn’t return, then he, Daniel, and the chair could share hers.  The Priest asked him, “How is everything with you?  Daniel replied, “Everything is going great, but I think the chair wants something more adventurous than coming to the Top of the Sixes every night.”  The chair nodded in agreement.  The Priest said, “I understand.”  He continued, “Have you considered taking a sabbatical to MotherLand?”  Daniel replied, “I was just there and didn’t want to stay there.”  The Priest said, “You’re going on an excursion not moving there.”  He continued, “The biggest holiday in MotherLand occurs in less than a week.”  Daniel asked, “Which holiday is that?”  The Priest replied, “Green Day.”  He continued, “The mother wannabees will be in a green frenzy.  You can have the time of your life.”  The Priest explained that the second most important holiday in Motherland, Mother’s Day, follows Green Day by about two weeks.  Every mother wannabee reaches the apex of her desire to become a mother just before Mother’s Day.  Daniel’s eyes opened wide.  The Priest said, “This is the time of year when MotherNature is in full bloom.  It’s as if all the stars are in alignment.”  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair said, “If I ever were to return to MotherLand, this is the time to do it!”  The chair bounced up and down two times.

Just then Carlos the Bartender brought four Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table.  The Priest thanked Carlos the Bartender for his exemplary service day in and day out.  Then LunaStars returned and asked, “Did I miss anything?”  She couldn’t stop staring at Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair.  She didn’t care if he seemed less clean.  He appeared impeccable.  Nary a hair out of place on his head.  Perfectly clean shaven, in fact, she didn’t see any body hair except on his head.  She asked herself, ‘How could such a specimen spend so many years in the closet smoking cigars?’  The Priest said, “Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair is going on an excursion to MotherLand during their high holidays.”  LunaStars said, “Oh how nice that sounds.”  She then asked, “Is this booked through a travel agency or are you taking a sabbatical?”  Daniel replied, “A sabbatical.”  The chair smiled.  The Priest said, “I will provide logistical support for both you and the chair during your trip.”  Daniel said, “Thank you dear Priest.”  LunaStars blurted out, “Can I go with you?”  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair explained that he and the chair plan to bond during this trip, so they prefer to go alone.  The Priest nodded in agreement.  LunaStars understood.  The Priest then said, “Another one of the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville is now coming to the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.”  Daniel asked, “Who’s that?”  The Priest replied, “A Venezuelan beauty who goes by the name Ms. LaiaClarck.”  The Priest pointed in her direction.  LunaStars shrugged.  Then she said, “There’s JDtheSingleGuy introducing himself to the latest and newest.”

Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair thanked the Priest for his advice and support.  Then he excused himself from the table saying, “The chair and I need to start preparing for this trip.”  The Priest wished him well and LunaStars batted her eyelashes.  The Priest and LunaStars fell into another passionate conversation as they enjoyed their whiskeys.  The Priest looked over at JDtheSingleGuy who appeared very interested in Ms. LaiaClarck.  He asked himself, “Could Ms. LaiaClarck finally be the one who captures JD’s undivided attention?”  Only time would tell.   

 

MotherLand (Redux)

After cutting a swath through the MotherLand, the Fool-in-the-Chair grew in stature and renown leaving countless mother wannabees weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.  This whirlwind of an incursion would forever change the maternal landscape.  As he pressed the issue all the way to the outskirts of the mother-of-all-capitals, the dome of the cupcake crown came into sight.  With MotherLand on the verge of collapse, the Polit Bureau of Mothers discussed among themselves who they could call into service to save the motherhood.  The last time that the Fool-in-the-Chair had threatened the MotherLand, their secret weapon, code named ‘Snipper,’ had been compromised by the temptation of individual freedom.  She had been sent to the religious community east of the Siberian Tundra to receive instruction and recalibration within the Laws of MotherNature.  They heard rumors that she could now recite the Laws of MotherNature both forwards and backwards.  If this were true, then certainly they could call her back into service. 

Snipper had a well-earned reputation for not suffering fools gladly.  Her catch & return posse had been reformed with a new Trimmed and Clipped to join the veteran Snipped.  This crack counter-intelligence personnel and their back to the future van and equipment were being called upon to do what no one else could do—stop the Fool-in-the-Chair.  Dressed for tropical warfare, they boarded the Trans-Siberian Railroad from the religious community east of the Siberian Tundra to ride the only single-rail track across the country.  Every town they passed through they were greeted by the town mothers and mother wannabees chanting, “Won’t Get Fooled Again!” 

When they arrived at the mother-of-all-capitals, they were greeted by the newly appointed Boss who told Snipper and her catch & return posse about the crisis unfolding before their very eyes.  The Fool-in-the-Chair had fooled everyone again and now he was about to enter in!  This new Boss, same as the old Boss, pointed his finger in the direction of the Fool-in-the-Chair and exclaimed, “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!”  Snipper agreed and immediately directed her vigilante catch & return posse to set up 24/7 surveillance on the Fool-in-the-Chair.  They would know when he left his chair and when he returned.  They would know everything he does both in and out of the chair. 

After the surveillance had been arranged, Snipper went into action doing what she does best–snipping.  Based on the information gained from the surveillance, she positioned snips, snaps, and snares to entangle and strangle the Fool-in-the-Chair at every step or, every sit, if you will.  With the help of the catch & return posse and other collaborators, she tapped electronic devices, infiltrated social sites and email accounts, facilitated the help of community sympathizers, and made use of every resource at her disposal.  They arranged drive-bys, walk-bys, and fly-bys to keep the Fool-in-the-Chair on constant alert as well as inert.  With the future of the MotherLand at stake, one way or the other she would stop the Fool-in-the-Chair and save the motherhood! 

The showdown between Snipper and the Fool-in-the-Chair began with the usual chants, rants, and spells that had always worked so well for Snipper in the past.  But something seemed different to Snipper this time.  The more she looked at the Fool the more she thought to herself, ‘That’s not the Fool-in-the-Chair.’  She knew the face, but she couldn’t remember where she had seen that face.  The religious community had done their job well.  She couldn’t remember anything after being emptied of all her prior experiences related to individual freedom.  Then Snipper cried out, “Who are you?”  The Fool-in-the-Chair responded, “You don’t remember me Snipper?”  She knew that voice.  Snipper then said, “You’re the Fool-out-of-the-Closet.”  He replied, “Wrong!”  Snipper called for backup from her catch & return posse.  Within minutes an over-sized white van with whited out windows wheeled around the corner and blocked the Fool’s only escape route.  Out of the van jumped Trimmed, Clipped, and Snipped (the last one being fixed by Snipper herself). 

Snipper yelled, “Fool!  You’re surrounded!”  He yelled back, “I’m not the Fool!”  She said, “Then who are you?”  He yelled, “I’m Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair!”  The catch and return posse gasped.  Snipper smiled. 

The End

MoonLight Paints a Picture

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

JDtheSingleGuy found a table uncovered by either roof or umbrella.  Again, this night reminded him of the night he spent in the desert under the Apricot tree.  As he relaxed enjoying his whiskey in the cool fresh air, a ray of light came from the moon and shined upon the table.  He knew this time he wasn’t dreaming.  A familiar voice came through the light but this time the voice more reflected his voice rather than sounded like his voice.  The voice began to speak or sing in a poetic manner.  She said, “My name is MoonLight and if you can hear Lucy in the Sky then you have met Lucy MoonLight.”  JDtheSingleGuy asked, “Where are you from Lucy MoonLight?  The Moon?”  Lucy MoonLight smiled.  Then she said, “I’m from Romania.”  She continued, “I’ve been following you since you were in the land of the Khazarians.”  JDtheSingleGuy said, “Yes, I remember the first time I saw your ray of light shine on a table with either a Romanian or Colombian girl.”  Lucy MoonLight said, “I’m that girl.”  This confused him.  He wondered how her own light could shine on herself.  He asked, “How can you shine your light on yourself?”  She replied, “That’s a mystery that you will have to discover for yourself.”  She intrigued him. 

Lucy Moonlight began to paint a picture of rolling swells of clouds that allowed intermittent rays of light to shine through them.  While the moon was full, he only saw in part as the rolling clouds refused to reveal the fullness of the moon.  He knew this partially concealed the mystery.  The other side, the dark side of the moon, he refused to consider.  Then he asked, “What about the dark side of the moon?”  She replied, “The light from the sun has never shined there.”  He knew that everyone has a dark side, and the moon was no exception.  He asked, “So you have never been there?”  She said, “I didn’t say that.”  She continued, “I just said that the light from the sun has never shined there.”  This Lucy MoonLight certainly knew how to keep his interest.  As he pondered, she continued to paint.  He asked, “Are those new stars that you just painted?”  She replied, “I thought I would add some stars to provide a hint of light on the dark side of the moon.”  He then said, “So you have been there.”  She said, “Maybe I have and maybe I haven’t.”  She continued, “There’s only one way to find out.”  JDtheSingleGuy took a swig of whiskey. 

He said, “Lucy Moonlight you have many fine attributes other than just a soft voice and painting.”  She said, “Thank you.”  He said, “I could sit here and watch you paint the sky all night.”  Lucy MoonLight smiled.  He then said, “Oasis is a wonderful place, but I’m not sure if I can spend all of my life here.”  She said, “I already know this.  You want to live in a tropical place where the color of the water is the same as the color of your eyes.”  He said, “You seem to know me very well.”  She said, “I’ve been following you for a long time.”  He said, “Where I want to live might require speaking a new language.”  She said, “Don’t worry.  I already speak the language where you want to live.”  He said, “I just realized the rolling swells in the clouds you are painting are like waves in the sea.”  She said, “When I think of you, I think of the sea.”  He asked, “Can you swim?”  She replied, “Of course I can swim.  Why ask such a question?”  He said, “I wouldn’t want you to drown in the sea.”  They both had a good laugh.  She then said, “Eat an Apricot.” As they were laughing the ray of light began to dim and within seconds disappeared.  JDtheSingleGuy looked up at the sky and the clouds that completely concealed the moon.  Lucy Moonlight was gone.  He got up from his table and went back into the Top of the Sixes. 

As he walked into the Top of the Sixes, he saw the Priest of Bougainville and LunaStars having a passionate conversation.  He was glad for both of them but especially for the Priest.  He went to the bar and asked Carlos the Bartender for another Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey.  While he waited for his whiskey, he looked over at Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair sitting alone at his table.  He thought to himself, ‘I think I will go visit with him.”  Carlos the Bartender brought the whiskey and JDtheSingleGuy walked over to Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair and asked, “May I join you?”  He replied, “By all means please do!”  JDtheSingleGuy wanted to know how the chair was doing.  He asked, “How are things going with you two?”  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair replied, “We’re still getting comfortable with each other.”  He continued, “I think the chair becomes easily bored.”  JDtheSingleGuy said, “The chair loves adventure.  Coming to the Top of the Sixes is not adventure for the chair.” 

Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair said, “I just recently came out of the closet for good and received my new name.”  He continued, “Not only do I not have any more desire to smoke cigars, but I also no longer have any interest in being one of the girls.  Now I want to fuck them!”  JDtheSingleGuy laughed.  He said, “With your striking good looks you are going to be a busy man.”  He continued, “You should think about going on some adventure that will stimulate both you and the chair.”  He suggested that he talk things through with the chair.  The chair always has good ideas.  He also suggested that he ask the Priest for some ideas.  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair said, “I will!”  The chair nodded his approval.  JDtheSingleGuy felt a bit sad and even jealous as he fondly remembered the adventures that he and the chair experienced together.  The chair had a new occupant now who had places to go and things to do either get out of the way or he’ll run over you.  His own future was going in a new direction.  This Lucy MoonLight had been following him since the beginning.  As she revealed more of herself, he found himself being drawn into her mysterious ways.  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair was also beginning a new chapter in his life.  But the chair remains the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He finished his whiskey and bid Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair goodnight.  He made his way back to Room 101. The chair sighed.  

Snipper Recalibrated

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

After being emptied of everything contrary to the ways and means of the MotherLand and the Laws of MotherNature, Snipper then received an infilling of the Laws of MotherNature.  This occurred during the morning gatherings of observation and sensing of MotherNature at Mama Tulip’s trailer.  After receiving the infilling of the Laws of MotherNature, she then entered the next phase of her recalibration.  This phase involved counseling sessions conducted by a special sect within the religious community known as the Black Hats.  The Black Hats wore long black overcoats along with their black hats.  They were regarded as the pinnacle of practitioners of the Laws of MotherNature.  In addition to what Snipper had already received through observation and sensing, the Black Hats would codify by way of rote memory.  They would drill Snipper until she could recite all the Laws of MotherNature reading them left to right.  After she accomplished this, they would then drill her until she could recite all the Laws of MotherNature reading them right to left.  Snipper knew this was for her own protection against future encounters with those who moved and had their being in ideas and beliefs that opposed the Laws of MotherNature and the ways and means of the MotherLand. 

A religious community member escorted Snipper into a special room that had only a single wooded chair and table.  On one wall there was a chalkboard.  He instructed Snipper to sit in the chair and wait for the Black Hats.  After a few minutes, the door opened and one of the Black Hats entered the room.  He gave Snipper a small book that said ‘Laws of MotherNature’ on the front cover.  He instructed Snipper to carry this book everywhere she goes.  He explained that she should read the contents of the book at every opportunity.  When she first wakes up in the morning, while on the bus, during her breaks from the daily community service, and before she goes to bed at night.  He told her to memorize the laws as they were written in the book.  Every morning after observation and sensing at Mama Tulip’s trailer, she comes to this room for evaluation and practice.  The Black Hats will monitor her progress daily.  As he recites the Laws of MotherNature one by one, she repeats them.  They will do this until Snipper completely recites the Laws of MotherNature by rote memory reading them by both left to right and right to left.  Once she successfully completes this task the Black Hats will designate her as recalibrated. 

The religious community joined in this effort to recalibrate Snipper.  They knew that the future of the MotherLand depended on her receiving the Laws of MotherNature.  She not only had to learn to recite them by rote memory she had to become one with them.  This meant that the religious community would look after every detail in the process.  When they saw Snipper on the bus reading her book no one spoke.  Perfect silence.  Snipper concentrated.  Some religious community members even offered to do some of her daily chores so she could spend more time reading the Laws of MotherNature.  Snipped asked himself, ‘What about me?’  No one paid any attention to Snipped.  They assumed as Snipper goes so goes Snipped.  While Snipper went through the paces of her recalibration, the religious community were preparing two new members for her future catch and return posse.  The two new members were named Trimmed and Clipped, same as the two previous members, but these two new members received specialized training to harden them against the temptation of individual freedom.  These two new members will eventually join the veteran Snipped to become the new catch and return posse led by Snipper. 

Snipper continued to make progress.  The Black Hats pushed her relentlessly.  She found them cold and stern and those damn hats intimidated her!  She successfully completed memorizing the Laws of MotherNature reading them left to right but reading them right to left would require a new mentality.  She began experiencing headaches.  Reading the laws in reverse caused pain.  Snipper suffered. She could feel her brain being rewired.  She thought to herself, ‘This must be necessary to fully understand the Laws of MotherNature and become one with them.’  The Black Hats didn’t let up on her, in fact, they increased the pressure.  Snipper became confused.  She didn’t know if she was coming or going.  When religious community members saw her walking backwards on the street, they turned her around.  During the observation and sensing gatherings at Mama Tulip’s trailer, Snipper sang the hymns backwards frustrating everyone.  Despite their frustration, they remained patient.  Eventually, Snipper began to recite the Laws of MotherNature from right to left.  During her sessions with the Black Hats, she recited the Laws of MotherNature both left to right and then right to left.  She began to feel whole again.  Her mind going in an entirely new direction.  The Black Hats smiled.  Snipped sighed. 

The Black Hats called for a meeting of the religious community.  The community leader asked everyone to attend.  The guru in the tree tuned-in through Zoom.  Queen Lorraine went into a trance in the Green Room.  The Leprechaun rolled the dice.  The religious regulators in Room 201 looked out the window.  Sergeant Hoe stood in full dress uniform next to her M1-SUV and saluted the religious regulators.  The Black Hats presented Snipper before everyone in the religious community, then they announced, “Snipper Recalibrated!”  Everyone cheered!  Snipped left through the bathroom window.  The community leader then presented Snipper with two new catch and return posse members Trimmed and Clipped.  Snipper asked, “Where’s Snipped?”  Someone said they saw him leave through the bathroom window.  Snipper said, “No problem.  He always comes back.”  The community leader then presented Snipper with a new pair of stainless-steel snippers with razor sharp cutting edges.  The religious community provided the new snippers as their seal of approval that Snipper had become fully indoctrinated into the ways and means of MotherLand through the Laws of MotherNature.   Snipper and her new catch & return posse were now ready to return to the mother-of-all-capitals when called upon.  Everyone began to chant, “Viva la Tierra de las Madres!” 

Community

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The Priest of Bougainville invited ShaggyFool to join him for a walk through the vineyards.  Every day the Priest inspected the vineyards as the quality of the grapes would make or break the annual budget.  As the Priest and ShaggyFool walked through the vineyards, the Priest explained how the Oasis paradise came into existence and eventually became incorporated into a separate township.  The Priest told ShaggyFool, “In Oasis there are no appointed times or festival days.  Every day is a moveable feast that is a new opportunity to pursue all of our pleasures.”  Shaggy Fool said, “They’re getting ready to celebrate the most important holiday in MotherLand.”  The Priest asked, “Which holiday is that?”  ShaggyFool replied, “Green Day.”  The Priest continued, “Speaking of pleasures have you been enjoying your time with Ms. HoneyDripper?”  ShaggyFool replied, “Yes, I have.  Ms. HoneyDripper has opened my eyes to the idea that the possibilities in this life are unlimited when you are free.”  The Priest said, “I’m so glad to have both of you here at the House of Jasmin.”  The Priest asked, “What did you think about the Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey?”  ShaggyFool replied, “It’s amazing!”  The Priest said, “I look forward to Whiskey at 6 at the Top of the Sixes every day.  It’s the best part of the day!”  As the day winded down the Priest told ShaggyFool that he hopes to see him later for a Whiskey at 6.  ShaggyFool said, “You bet!”

The Priest of Bougainville along with the other regulars arrived at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.  He sat at his usual table.  Carlos the Bartender knowing exactly what to pour brought a Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  The Priest saw JDtheSingleGuy talking to LunaStars at the bar.  ShaggyFool and Ms. HoneyDripper sat at the bar joined by some of the others.  Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair sat at Ms. HoneyDripper’s former table.  JDtheSingleGuy and LunaStars walked over to his table and asked, “May we join you?”  The Priest replied, “By all means please do!”  Carlos the Bartender brought two more Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table.  JDtheSingleGuy asked, “How did the vineyards look today?”  The Priest replied, “I’ve never seen a better-looking crop of grapes in all of my years of doing this.”  JDtheSingleGuy said, “That’s great!”  LunaStars smiled.  The Priest asked her, “What brings you to the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6?”  LunaStars replied, “I heard this is when all the action is happening.  And now look who I met!”  She looked at JDtheSingleGuy with great admiration.  JDtheSingleGuy asked, “Dear Priest, how do you describe this community here at the House of Jasmin?”  The Priest replied, “Community?”  JDtheSingleGuy said, “Yes, community.” 

The Priest of Bougainville began to wax and wane philosophically.  Historically, the nations of the world have been made up of communities that integrate their ethnic and/or religious values into a culture.  To support the culture, the communities develop a tribal mentality that puts the interest of the community ahead of the interest of the individual.  This was necessary for survival and maintaining the unique identity of the community.  The concept of individual freedom was mostly foreign to these ancient communities.  The individual was subject to the tribal mentality.  Expression of individuality or anything that deviated from the tribal norms was perceived as a threat to the culture and the security of the community.  Hence, the community crushed any form of individual expression that came forth from outside the cultural parameters of that community.  Consequently, the concept of individual freedom was anathema to the interests of the community.  These threads of understanding carried over to our present-day world.  The strife among nations is greatest where the tribal mentalities are the strongest.  Where the concept of individual freedom is strongest there is less strife.  If the concept of individual freedom is waning in a nation, then there is a corresponding increase in strife. 

The Priest continued to wax and wane philosophically.  What is understood as community in Oasis is completely opposite of what is understood as community in MotherLand.  In Oasis, more freedom results in more individual security.  In MotherLand, more security results in less individual freedom.  Whereas MotherLand emphasizes work Oasis embraces personal responsibility.  Work always requires personal responsibility, but personal responsibility doesn’t always require work.  Whereas MotherLand relies on religion and a nanny state governed by the concept of equality, Oasis relies on freedom of expression and personal responsibility governed by the concept of liberty.  In MotherLand, religion and the nanny state often work together to support a common agenda.  The name Oasis is derived from the concept of individual freedom.  Oasis is a safe harbor for those individuals’ seeking freedom from the tribal mentalities of religious or ethnic communities. 

JDtheSingleGuy interrupted, “I’ve had experiences with ethnic-oriented communities that conduct themselves in a religious context.”  The Priest said, “Please share some of those experiences with us.”  JDtheSingleGuy began to wax and wane philosophically.  I’ve written about some of those experiences.  I was impressed with how these communities organized their social life around their religious values, but I never wanted to join these communities.  I wrote romantically about them because I cared about the individuals who belonged to these communities.  In my heart of hearts, I felt sorry for them.  Especially the ones who were isolated from the rest of the world.  I did think that they were serving a unique purpose, but I value individual freedom too much to ever conform to the cultural values of either a religious or ethnic community.  The Priest interrupted, “The suppression of individual freedom by these communities is the root of all the problems in this world.”  He continued, “Oasis stands alone in valuing the sanctity of individual freedom.”  LunaStars smiled.  She then asked, “May I have another whiskey?”  The Priest of Bougainville called on Carlos the Bartender to bring three more Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table. 

JDtheSingleGuy asked, “Do you both mind excusing me?  I would like to go outside in the cool night air and spend some time alone.”  The Priest and LunaStars nodded in agreement.  He got up from the table and took his whiskey with him outside.  He noticed another full moon.  He wondered to himself, ‘Could she speak to me again tonight.” 

This is the walk of a sojourner and a pilgrim
Required to walk through the land of the religious
To go through his paces under the guise of their faces
Just like those who walked this ancient path before him

They may want a spouse
They may desire a house
Let them have their spouse and a house
Just don’t let them have you

They may desire to push a stroller
Give them a stroller to push
And give them a starting push
Just don’t let them push you

They may want to choose their own ministers
For their own reasons
Let them choose who they want
Just don’t let them choose you

They may want beards
And burgers without cheese
Let them have their beards and burgers without cheese
Just don’t let them feed you

They may want to hand you a tissue
Tell them that this is not the issue
This is the walk of a sojourner and a pilgrim
Just like the ancients did before him

Snipped Reunited with Snipper

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The religious regulators sent a communique to notify Snipper that they were ready to bring Snipped to High Mountain Town.  Snipper had just finished her days of isolation during which she received instruction from Queen Lorraine.  She and Snipped were going to live within the confines of a religious community east of the Siberian Tundra.  This community existed solely for emptying individuals of anything that opposed the national religion MotherNature.  Once emptied, they would be filled with the Laws of MotherNature and the clean air that comes from observing those Laws.  In Snippers case, the religious community would empty both of them of anything related to a desire for freedom.  After they had been filled with the Laws of MotherNature and the clean air, the community would overwhelm them with constant attention to bring them into conformance with the community standards.  The standards were developed by the religious community based on the Laws of MotherNature.  Snipper responded to the religious regulators that she was ready to receive Snipped.  The regulators informed her that they would take a train to High Mountain Town the next morning.  Snipper let them know that she would wait for them in the train station in High Mountain Town.  After Snipped arrives in High Mountain Town, they would take a train to east of the Siberian Tundra. 

The religious regulators reserved tickets for the next morning on the earliest train out of the mother-of-all-capitals traveling to High Mountain Town.  The next morning the religious regulators and Snipped boarded the train to High Mountain Town.  Overwhelmed with excitement, Snipped sat quietly throughout the train ride thinking about Snipper.  Snipper checked the train schedule to find out what time the train arrived. She had already offered penance to Queen Lorraine and demonstrated gratefulness for the instruction she spoke into her life.  She now had a contrite and apologetic heart because of her time spent in the presence of Queen Lorraine.  She was ready to receive all that the religious community east of the Siberian Tundra had for her.  Snipped would follow her lead in everything.  She looked at the clock and realized that the train would arrive soon.  She gathered her things and prepared to leave.  As she walked to the ski lift, she passed by the Green Temple Choir singing: 

They call her Snipper, Snipper, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, is smarter than she
And we know Snipper, lives in a world full of
Wonder,
Lying-there under, under the tree!

As the train pulled into High Mountain Town, the highest point in MotherLand, a bone-chilling cold and large banks of snow greeted the religious regulators and Snipped as they departed the train.  Snipper was already waiting inside the train station.  When Snipped caught sight of Snipper he ran towards her.  The religious regulators ran after Snipped as if he was trying to escape.  Snipper pulled a whistle out of her purse and blew it loudly.  Everyone stopped in their tracks.  Snipper approached Snipped and gave him a hug.  The religious regulators joined them.  They gave Snipper the papers to sign transferring custody of Snipped.  She signed the papers.  They took the signed papers and boarded the train back to the mother-of-all-capitals.  Snipper had already purchased two tickets to east of the Siberian Tundra on the Trans-Siberian Railroad.  They took the noon train to ensure arrival before dark.  A noticeable change occurred in passenger clientele; mostly mongrels and other undesirables migrating towards the Siberian Tundra.  Every town they passed through they were greeted by the town mothers with signs that read ‘Thank You Snipper’ and ‘We Love You Snipper!’  In some instances, a handful of remaining mothers from The Great Matriotic War were brought to the stations in wheelchairs with medals lining their tunic tops.  They saluted as Snipper’s train passed through the station.  Despite being obviously staged, this scene brought a tear to her eye.  This was just the preliminary before entering the religious community east of the Siberian Tundra.

They arrived at the train station east of the Siberian Tundra just before dark.  They were greeted by a welcoming party from the religious community.  As they drove to the community grounds Snipper noticed how rough and rugged the terrain appeared and the feeling of desolation one got in the midst of this vast emptiness.  They arrived at their living quarters not long after sunset.  The rooms were clean but spartan.  Snipper already got the feeling of being emptied just from the climate, terrain, and living quarters.  A few religious community members greeted them and then gave them a schedule of daily activities.  Every morning at 8 am they had observation and sensing of MotherNature at Mama Tulip’s trailer.  Mama Tulip, an 81-year-old black woman from the south of the country, had been rescued by the community leader like a dog on death row.  Despite being the only black person in the community, she became a shaman who led the community in observing MotherNature every morning.  She emphasized that sight, touch, hear, taste, and smell promoted and sustained spiritual growth much more than something esoteric like the desire for individual freedom.  After observation and sensing, breakfast was served.  Community service was the name of the game throughout the day.  Snipper and Snipped received their chore list in the morning.  Every evening after dinner they had what they called ‘transgression confession.’  This included anything done by an individual that violated the Laws of MotherNature.  Either the individual admitted the transgression or was called out by others in the community. 

After several days in the community, Snipper could sense her desire for individual freedom ebbing away.  Snipped followed suit as if he was ever free in the first place.  She freely confessed her transgressions against the MotherLand and welcomed the infilling of the Laws of MotherNature.  She and Snipped performed their daily community service with joy on their faces.  The religious community leaders were so impressed with her progress that they told the guru in a tree about her.  As more time passed, she began to say to herself, ‘Freedom, oh freedom, that’s just some people talking.’  As they emptied her of her desire for individual freedom, the religious community began to apply pressure and eventually overwhelm her with their community standards.  Snipper succumbed to their pressure. She reasoned in her own mind that she had an obligation to Queen Lorraine, the remnant of mothers from The Great Matriotic War, and the motherhood to embrace all the desires of their hearts. 

Upon successfully completing her training, she would receive a new pair of stainless-steel snippers with razor sharp cutting edges.  The religious community believed she still needed more time to become fully indoctrinated into the ways and means of MotherLand before being assigned to another catch & return posse.  They already had two replacements for Trimmed and Clipped ready to go, but they would have to wait until Snipper received final clearance.  Queen Lorraine closely monitored the situation.  She never intended for Snipper to not return to the mother-of-all-capitals.  They would send her when she was ready. 

 

Trimmed Gets a New Name

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

As the camel jockeys pulled up to the House of Jasmin, several of the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville came out to greet them.  They brought the usual refreshments and welcomed the new refugee asylum seeker.  The daughters gave Ms. HoneyDripper a big hug and welcomed her back.  The Priest said, “I’m glad to have the 70 X 7 beautiful daughters of the Priest of Bougainville once again.”  He continued, “Everyone has the afternoon to rest and freshen up before meeting at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.”  He told them that the renovation of Room 201 was complete.  Trixie and her identical twin sister Ms. Pixie moved into Room 201.  JDtheSingleGuy moved into Room 101.  The Fool-out-of-the-Green moved into Ms. HoneyDripper’s former Room 311.  The Priest then said, “Ms. HoneyDripper will escort Trimmed to a guest room while giving him a tour of the House of Jasmin.  They will stay together in the guest room.”  Trimmed said, “Thank you, I will see you at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.” 

The Priest of Bougainville along with the other regulars arrived at the Top of the Sixes for a Whiskey at 6.   The Priest sat at his usual table.  Carlos the Bartender knowing exactly what to pour brought a Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  The Priest noticed that Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair sat at Ms. HoneyDripper’s former table so Ms. HoneyDripper and Trimmed sat at the bar.  They were joined by the Fool-out-of-the-Green, Ms. CaliCoCo, and Ms. LizzyKean.  At the end of the bar, he noticed another beautiful daughter of the Priest of Bougainville, LunaStars, had started to come for a Whiskey at 6.  Just then JDtheSingleGuy approached the table and asked, “May I join you?”  The Priest replied, “By all means please do!”  The Priest shared with JDtheSingleGuy the latest news about Ms. HoneyDripper and Trimmed.  Carlos the Bartender brought another Heaven’s Door Straight Rye Whiskey to the table.  JDtheSingleGuy asked, “Who’s that sitting at the end of the bar?”  The Priest replied, “That’s LunaStars.” 

The Priest of Bougainville said, “Please tell me more about your time spent with the Khazarians.  I believe that experience had such a profound effect on you.”  JDtheSingleGuy began to wax and wane philosophically.  He believed strongly in unconditional love, that is, giving of yourself without expecting anything in return.  He believed this concept is the defining characteristic of the King of this world.  Many people did not seem to think this way.  Everything they did for someone else came with the expectation of receiving something in return—even if only gratitude.  You could say that the Khazarians were the architects of what would later be called the utilitarian spirit of the world.  In other words, everything is done with the expectation of receiving something in return.  Self-interest governs the utilitarian spirit of the world and the Khazarians exemplified this characteristic.  The Priest interrupted, “Was this utilitarian spirit of the world the reason for the rift between you and the Khazarians?”  JDtheSingleGuy replied, “The utilitarian spirit of this world contributed to the rift.” 

JDtheSingleGuy continued to wax and wane philosophically.  Still hoping for some kind of reconciliation between the Khazarians and himself, he approached one of the religious leaders to ask him, “What is love?”  The words must have been anointed by the sword of the Spirit as the religious leader staggered backwards and meekly muttered “It’s complex.”  Unsatisfied with his answer, he rephrased the question, “Could love be when a man lays down his life for his brothers?”  The religious leader replied, “Yes!”  The Priest interrupted again, “That my friend is unconditional love.”  JDtheSingleGuy said, “Correct.”  The Priest asked, “So they spent the next couple of years trying to get you married?”  JDtheSingleGuy replied, “They were so determined to fulfill their religious requirement of marriage that they took on the role of those who had so often persecuted them.”  The Priest asked, “Obviously you suffered greatly at the hands of these people, do you harbor any ill will towards them?”  JDtheSingleGuy replied, “I do not but like anyone else I become angry when harassed.  Regardless, I believe that suffering is intrinsic to the faith.”  The Priest said, “As I have said many times, Oasis has no religious holidays of any kind as Oasis has neither theology nor religion, but we do have faith.  Oasis also discourages marriage.” 

Just then Trimmed and Ms. HoneyDripper walked up and asked if they could join them.  The Priest said, “By all means please do!”  JDtheSingleGuy welcomed back Ms. HoneyDripper and her Tasmanian cat Bubu then exchanged greetings with Trimmed.  He then got up from the table and said, “Please excuse me, but I will go to the bar so you three can talk.”  The Priest, Ms. HoneyDripper, and Trimmed all smiled.  The Priest asked, “How is the guest room?”  Ms. Honey Dripper replied, “The room is nice, but I miss Room 311.”  He said, “Daniel-less-clean-in-the-Chair is in line for the next available room, then you will get the next room after him.”  The Priest then called on Carlos the Bartender to bring three Heaven’s Door Straight Rye whiskeys to the table.  Trimmed said, “I’ve never drank whiskey.”  The Priest said, “You will get used to drinking whiskey at the House of Jasmin.”  Ms. HoneyDripper smiled.  The Priest said, “I have been giving serious consideration to your new name.”  Trimmed asked, “Have you decided on a new name for me?”  The Priest replied, “Yes, I have.”  Trimmed asked, “Well, what is it?”  The Priest said, “Your new name is ‘ShaggyFool.’”  Ms. HoneyDripper frowned.  Bubu the Tasmanian cat smiled. 

Trimmed asked, “How did you arrive at that name?”  The Priest replied, “The first thing I noticed about you is how perfectly trimmed you are in every way.  This indicates that you have been domesticated for service to the motherhood.”  He continued, “In Oasis, you are free and not expected to serve anyone except for who or what you choose to serve.  Your new name indicates your freedom from servitude to MotherLand.  Your name ShaggyFool will become a physical manifestation of this freedom over time.”  Trimmed liked his reason for choosing his new name.  Ms. HoneyDripper understood the reason for the name change but she liked that Trimmed was perfectly trimmed in every way.  She thought to herself, ‘The shaggier he becomes the more whiskey I will have to drink.’  The Priest looked over at the bar and noticed JDtheSingleGuy mingling with LunaStars.  He thought to himself, ‘Never have I more appropriately named anyone than JDtheSingleGuy.”  The Priest smiled. 

On the Border

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The religious regulators informed the ‘Rat Patrol’ that they were needed to transport Trimmed, Ms. HoneyDripper, and her Tasmanian cat Bubu across the desert to the checkpoint on the Oasis border.  They would meet at the rendezvous point on the MotherLand border that night.  They would travel across the desert throughout the night arriving at the Oasis border sometime around mid-morning.  The religious regulators received a communique from High Mountain Town that Queen Lorraine had directed one of them to bring Snipped to High Mountain Town to reunite with Snipper.  They responded to High Mountain Town that this would take several days to arrange.  Trimmed knew that Snipper made the best choice to seek the green face of Queen Lorraine.  Snipped was euphoric even if he was moving east of the Siberian Tundra.  He would be with Snipper.  The religious regulators couldn’t believe how everything worked out so well for Snipper and her catch & return posse.  Ms. HoneyDripper couldn’t wait to get back to Oasis and now she had Trimmed too.  Trimmed said goodbye to Snipped and wished him well.  Snipped had always looked up to Trimmed.  He was going to miss him dearly, but he knew he belonged with Snipper.  Bubu the cat ignored everyone. 

As the day turned to night, the religious regulators, Trimmed, Ms. HoneyDripper, and Bubu arrived at the rendezvous point on the MotherLand border where the ‘Rat Patrol’ was already waiting.  Trimmed and Ms. HoneyDripper got into the first jeep and then the driver of the other jeep put Bubu the Tasmanian cat into his jeep.  The moon was full and the desert being the desert had been without rain for weeks, so they didn’t have to worry about getting bogged down in mud.  As they were ready to move out a glimmer of MoonLight came over them.  They all thought they had heard a soft voice speaking but no one understood what was spoken.  A moment of silence overcame them all.  The ‘Rat Patrol’ looked at Trimmed and he shouted, “Let’s Roll!”

The next morning in Oasis, the Priest of Bougainville and the Fool-out-of-the-Green finished their breakfast at the dining hall in the House of Jasmin.  They had received word from Shorthand Luke that Ms. HoneyDripper and Trimmed were expected to arrive at the checkpoint on the Oasis border around mid-morning.  The Priest arranged for a camel jockey to take them to the border where they would receive the asylum seekers.  He knew the border control would immediately accept Ms. HoneyDripper and her Tasmanian cat Bubu.  Even though Oasis has a national policy of accepting all refugee Fools, Trimmed would have to undergo examination to ensure that he hadn’t been snipped.  He would be taken to a camp just inside the border to meet with Dr. Anti-Snipper. 

The ’Rat Patrol’ made good time crossing the desert throughout the night.  The sun had already risen, and they were fast approaching the Oasis border.  They rechecked their coordinates to make sure they were closing in on the checkpoint location on the Oasis border.  The Oasis border control was expecting their arrival, so they had no reason to intercept their party before they arrived at the border.  The Priest of Bougainville and the Fool-out-of-the-Green were already waiting at the checkpoint on the Oasis border.  The Oasis border control transmitted a signal to assist the ‘Rat Patrol’ with finding the checkpoint location.  The ‘Rat Patrol’ picked up the signal and honed in.  Within thirty minutes the ‘Rat Patrol’ sighted the Oasis border and the tall towers that indicated the checkpoint location.  They drove the short distance to the border and breezed through the checkpoint.  As they passed through the checkpoint, they were greeted by the Priest of Bougainville and the Fool-out-of-the-Green.  Trimmed recognized Clipped and began waving enthusiastically.  The first thing he noticed about Clipped was that he appeared much less green. 

The Priest of Bougainville and the Fool-out-of-the-Green boarded the jeep with the Tasmanian cat Bubu.  Bubu seemed happy to see the Priest.  The jeeps pulled up to a group of tents that looked like a makeshift refugee camp.  They parked next to one tent that had a sign in front that said Not-So-Urgent-Care.  Everyone except the drivers got off the jeeps then the ‘Rat Patrol’ wheeled around to return to MotherLand.  The Priest went into the tent.  He came out with another man at his side.  The two men approached Trimmed, and the Priest said, “This is Dr. Anti-Snipper.  He will perform your examination.”  Trimmed looked over at Clipped who gave him a look as to not worry.  Dr. Anti-Snipper told the Priest that he now had responsibility for the refugee asylum seeker, and he could either wait outside the tent or leave.  The Priest said, “We’ll all wait outside the tent until you are done examining Trimmed.”  Trimmed went inside the tent with Dr. Anti-Snipper. 

Dr. Anti-Snipper began to ask Trimmed a series of questions.  He asked, “Do you smoke?”  Trimmed replied, “No.”  Dr. Anti-Snipper said, “Almost everyone in Oasis smokes.  Cigarettes not cigars.  Do you mind being around smokers?”  Trimmed replied, “I don’t mind at all.  In fact, I’ve always wanted the opportunity to smoke!”  Dr. Anti-Snipper smiled.  Trimmed began to feel more at ease with the doctor.  Dr. Anti-Snipper said, “I’ve heard stories from other refugee Fools about how they treat smokers in MotherLand.”  Trimmed replied, “It’s terrible.  There is very little freedom of choice in MotherLand.”  Dr. Anti-Snipper asked, “Why is that?”  Trimmed replied, “I really don’t know why.  I’ve lived there all of my life and it’s all I’ve ever known.”  The doctor continued with his questions, “Why did you decide to come to Oasis?”  Trimmed answered, “I fell in love with Ms. HoneyDripper.  Then the religious regulators gave me permission to seek asylum in Oasis.” 

Dr. Anti-Snipper said, “I have to do one more thing.”  Trimmed asked, “What’s that?”  The doctor said, “I need to examine you to see if you have been snipped.”  Trimmed said, “No problem, doc.”  The doctor examined Trimmed and verified that he had not been snipped.  Trimmed thought to himself, ‘Snipped would have never passed this test.’ The doctor approved Trimmed for entry into Oasis.  He signed the verification papers stating that no visible snip lines were present, signed Doctor Anti-Snipper.  He told Trimmed that he could leave as long as the Priest of Bougainville took custody of him until his immigration papers arrived.  They exited the tent together.  Dr. Anti-Snipper asked, “Dear Priest of Bougainville, do you take custody of Trimmed until his immigration papers arrive?”  The Priest responded, “Yes, I do.”  Trimmed thanked the doctor for everything he had done.  The doctor said, “Welcome to Oasis!” 

As they left the camp, the Priest of Bougainville said, “Trimmed, you are going to need a new name.  The names Trimmed and Clipped are not used in Oasis.”  He continued, “I gave Clipped his new name Fool-out-of-the-Green.”  Trimmed thought to himself, ‘That must be why Clipped appears less green.”  The Priest told Trimmed to give him a few days and he will come up with a new name for him.  The Priest flagged down two camel jockeys to take them to the House of Jasmin.  The Priest directed the camel jockeys to take them on a limited tour of Oasis on the way back to the House of Jasmin.  The Priest described the sights and explained the life in Oasis.  They saw two people stretching on the sidewalk.  The Priest said, “That’s Mr. and Mrs. Gumby.  They love to stretch but they never exercise.”  He continued, “Like everyone else in Oasis they pursue all their pleasures without inhibition.”  Trimmed noticed almost everyone smoked cigarettes.  Such a change from the MotherLand!  The Priest offered him a smoke.  Trimmed gladly accepted.  Trimmed noticed something very strange.  He had not seen one dog the whole day.  He asked the Priest, “Dear Priest of Bougainville, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I do not believe I’ve seen one dog this whole day.”  The Priest replied, “You are correct!”  He continued, “In Oasis, everyone is happy because they pursue all of their pleasures.  No one feels lonely and depressed so there is no need for any furry friends to keep them company.”  Trimmed was astonished.

The Priest said, “Some people have cats, but cats are altogether different from dogs.  Cats require very little maintenance…ahem, if you know what I mean?”  The Priest laughed.  Trimmed laughed too.  Bubu the Tasmanian cat looked sarcastically at the Priest. Trimmed said, “In MotherLand, almost everyone has a dog.  Usually, the Fools are the ones who walk the dogs.”  He continued, “Occasionally, you will see a mother wannabee or a mother walking the dog, but that only happens when they don’t have a Fool to do that for them.”  The Priest said, “You are going to love living in Oasis my friend!”  The Fool-out-of-the-Green nodded in agreement.  Trimmed continued, “In MotherLand, almost every Fool walks around with green bags in his pockets.  If he is not walking his own dog, then he always has green bags ready to help a brother Fool who is walking a dog.”  The Priest sighed, “This is why Oasis accepts every refugee Fool who escapes from MotherLand.”  

Queen Lorraine the Merciful

“My name is JD Johnson, they call me the Single Guy, never married, no kids and I certainly don’t need no woman to help me get through this life.” – JD Johnson (hard-drinking poet) 

The religious regulators called on Sergeant Hoe to escort Snipper to the Temple de las Madres in High Mountain Town.  When Sergeant Hoe wasn’t either standing on her pedestal directing traffic or catching nuggets of wisdom from the guru in a tree, she was parked in her M1-SUV facing Room 201.  She sat there waiting for a directive coming from the religious regulators.  When she received the call to escort Snipper to the Temple de las Madres in High Mountain Town she jumped into action.  The religious regulators escorted Snipper out of Room 201 to where Sergeant Hoe was parked.  Trimmed, Snipped, and Ms. HoneyDripper watched from the window in Room 201 as Snipper was taken away.  Sergeant Hoe prepared the back of the M1-SUV by raising and locking the floor into a vertical position.  The underside of the floor had 17 straps laid out like the St. Andrews cross.  Three straps for each arm and leg, one strap for the head, two straps around the midsection, and two more straps that made an X across the chest.  Snipper climbed into the back of the M1-SUV followed by Sergeant Hoe.  Sergeant Hoe strapped Snipper to the raised floor using all 17 straps then she climbed out of the vehicle, closed the back door, and saluted the religious regulators.  The religious regulators returned the salute.

Sergeant Hoe began the long drive to High Mountain Town by crushing two parked cars then running over a fire hydrant.  This alarmed Snipper but she felt secure.  Sergeant Hoe decided to take a short cut on a road that didn’t exist.  She plowed through fields of underbrush and small trees leveling everything in sight.  Where there was not a road there now was a road.  Snipper began to feel sick from the gyrations and her inability to scratch her nose.  After a couple of hours of offroad terrain driving they finally arrived at High Mountain Town.  Sergeant Hoe drove to the ski lift that goes to the Temple de las Madres.  She parked the M1-SUV and inspected the vehicle for any damages.  She opened the back door, climbed into the vehicle, and then unstrapped Snipper.  Snipper thanked her lucky stars that she had arrived in one piece.  Sergeant Hoe escorted Snipper on the ski lift to the Temple de las Madres.  She would wait while Snipper went inside the Temple to seek the green face of Queen Lorraine.  As they walked up to the Temple de las Madres, they were greeted by the Green Temple Choir singing:  

They call her Snipper, Snipper, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, is smarter than she
And we know Snipper, lives in a world full of
Wonder,
Lying-there under, under the tree!

Snipper entered the Temple and went directly to the Green Room.  There she waited until summoned into the presence of Queen Lorraine.  When the presence came upon her, she prostrated herself and cried out, “Queen Lorraine, please show mercy on your servant!”  Queen Lorraine responded, “Grass Snipper, my precious Grass Snipper.”  She continued, “I’ve seen your travails and counted your tears.”  Snipper wailed, “I’ve committed a serious transgression against the MotherLand!”  Queen Lorraine replied, “My precious Grass Snipper, this transgression is not entirely your fault.”  She continued, “The Leprechaun and I now realize that freedom is a much greater temptation than what was first thought.”  Snipper cried out, “I have failed the motherhood and all of MotherLand!”  Queen Lorraine said, “You and your catch & return posse were not properly trained to resist this temptation.”  Queen Lorraine told Snipper that she would not return to the mother-of-all-capitals.  She would be sent east of the Siberian Tundra.  Snipper asked, “What about Snipped?  The religious regulators want to send him to the Reeducation Camp and then reassign him.”  Queen Lorraine replied, “Snippers and their snipped should never be separated.”  She continued, “Snipped will be brought to High Mountain Town and then he will go with you east of the Siberian Tundra.”  Snipper smiled.  She then exclaimed, “You are truly Queen Lorraine the Merciful!”

Snipper exited the Temple de las Madres to a waiting Sergeant Hoe.  She explained the decision made by Queen Lorraine. Sergeant Hoe was free to return to the mother-of-all-capitals to take up her parking spot where she could wait for her next directive from Room 201.  Snipped would come by train to High Mountain Town accompanied by one of the religious regulators.  As they walked together to the ski lift, they again passed by the Green Temple Choir singing: 

They call her Snipper, Snipper, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, is smarter than she
And we know Snipper, lives in a world full of
Wonder,
Lying-there under, under the tree! 

Nearing her days of isolation, Snipper decided to stay at the Temple de las Madres while waiting for Snipped to arrive in High Mountain Town.  Sergeant Hoe boarded the ski lift by herself and descended back to High Mountain Town.  Snipper would use these days at the Temple de las Madres to refresh her spirit, soul, and body.  She would receive instruction from Queen Lorraine like she did when she was young and lived at the Temple.  She became joyful knowing that Snipped would come with her rather than go to the Reeducation Camp and then reassigned.  Such a cruel measure that would have been since Snipped knew nothing about the plan to seek asylum.  She wondered what the future held for her and Snipped.  The life and land east of the Siberian Tundra was rugged and rough.  Snipper knew this destination is a place to recalibrate and reflect upon what is truly important.